(Part 8 of a 10-part series on character traits of happy people)
“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Our own mind, our own heart is the temple. Our philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV
When my children were babies, of course I had all kinds of hopes for them, but the one that I remember most was my hope that they would be kind. 
Not everyone is.
Research tells us that most children have an innate kind side, and can feel empathy even as infants. But, as we all know, they also have a super-selfish side. Evolutionarily speaking, this is a matter of self-preservation: If I give you all my Cheerios, I won’t have any for myself and I might die.
So why do some people find it easy to overcome that self-preservation instinct and act with generosity instead? And why are some people just not very kind?
I think people, in general, look at the world in terms of scarcity vs. abundance. Do you tend to think there’s never enough to go around? Do you always feel cheated out of what’s rightfully yours? Do you see others as competition for the goal? How many times do you hear yourself say, “Why should I help him out? He’s never done anything for me.” Is your life based on tit-for-tat record-keeping?
Or, do you tend to think we’ll all get farther if we work together? Are you grateful for the small kind things done for you and so want to pay it forward?
And those attitudes, like so many things, go back to our childhood. Were your needs met as a kid? Were your parents generally kind to you? Did they model kindness towards other people?
Kindness, like our biceps, is a muscle that needs exercising. Once your attitude of kindness is healthy and strong, it is so much easier to use it.
Try this for a week: Find one kind thing a day to do for someone else and do it. Don’t announce it, don’t ask for thanks, don’t look for praise. Just do it. It can be as simple as putting your neighbor’s garbage cans back for them. See what happens. My guess is you’ll continue to do it, if not every day, at least more often. And, according to the research, making the world a kinder place will contribute significantly to your own happiness.
Photo Credit: Ed Yourdon on Flickr – he’s posted the story that goes with it.
It is important to regularly practice kindness. It enriches the world for the giver and the receiver.
I love this post, especially the idea of kindness as a muscle that needs regular exercise. Thank you!
Colleen,
I love the phrase, “practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.” I still have several books that suggest random acts of kindness, just as a kickstart. My kids are getting old enough that we talk about how to be kind to others, and I look forward to sharing these books with them. Thanks!
Warmly,
Ann